#sorrynotsorry

"Every cloud has its sliver lining, but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint." -Don Marquis 

I began this week thinking that today's blog would be about a few different developmental psychologists and how their behavioral theories could be applied to loving someone with a chronic illness.  I may still publish that one some day soon, but today, my mind is in a different place.

Today, I want to talk to you about phrases like "everything happens for a reason".

At many junctures in life, we experience things that just plain suck.  There's no way to sugar-coat or minimize just how suck-tastick some things are.  We often lean on friends and family to hear us out in the hopes that their being outside the situation can bring some calm to the storm of circumstances and emotions that we're up against.

On behalf of myself and anyone else that has faced an insurmountable level of bullshit, do not default to "everything happens for a reason" as your initial response.  Responding with a phrase like this inadvertently minimizes the person's feelings and triggers misplaced pangs of guilt.  In my raw, emotional state, when I hear this, I think to myself "I have no right to question what's happening to me because its a God thing and I'm not allowed to be upset with God, so I guess my feelings are invalid and selfish."

Of course, that's not what you intended!  Nobody in their right mind intends to make a loved one feel this way!

If someone is comfortable enough with you to be vulnerable in your presence, you kind of have a responsibility to dig deeper within yourself than "everything happens for a reason".  Try to empathize, ask specific questions, help them see the "silver lining" when that person is ready.  Most importantly, listen and be the human they need in that moment.

Sincerely,
Samantha